I have a very hard time “asking for help” when I am too ill to even take my own trash out to the curb. Right now, I am still so ill with of course still nursing a broken clavicle and shoulder plus . this “IBS”, C. Diff., the weather has my joints in a mess and in pain, I am so weak at times I can barely walk across my house, but is it “pride”, self esteem, being contrary, embarrassed, feeling as if people are too busy to care? HOW do YOU ask for help? I need my laundry room torn down and a new one brought in and put together (I am getting a wooden storage building to put right at my back door that has windows, a composition roof, etc… to use as a laundry room.) But, I seem to never get across to those few that could help me, I NEED HELP! My backyard is a disaster, after all the heat extreme heat for 45 days of triple digits, I have LOTS of tree limbs, and that laundry room torn down and hauled off, my toilet is still not properly seated due to the lag bolts rusted, my walk in shower needs to be put in, but this huge tub/sauna/ jacuzzi have to be apart & sold hopefully. It is in excellent condition and I paid a great deal for it. If I get a bit of cash for it to help with all the other house problems or I’ll have to give it away if someone wants to come take it down and take it with them. I feel so mad at times, that THOSE KNOW I NEED HELP BUT WON’T DO IT! How do some of you ask for help when you really need it?
Why is it so difficult to ASK family/friends for help when you really can't do things for awhile for yourself?
Increasingly more people are facing disabilities & aging alone, completely without any family or friends.
As hard as that is, I think I’d find it preferable to living with a disability, a chronic health condition &/or aging while also having unhelpful family &/or ‘friends’.
Thanks to caregiving, I know to expect to have to & am learning how to plan for myself as a future ‘solo ager’ once my caregiving days are ended. They are hard enough because there is little family support for my relative, either that family doesn’t exist or they have died or are too sick, frail & aged themselves or live too far away to be of much use.
My friends are all living distant to me but that’s something that happens when you grow up in a military family, it’s easier than ever to at least get verbal & emotional support from them thanks to the phone & the Internet (email, social media, etc). And on rare occasions they can visit me (I can’t visit them because my relative’s care needs are so great they prevent me being away from him, at least they understand why I can’t be as reciprocal as I used to be).
But it has to be awful to come to rely on others & then they don’t show up for you.
Maybe take a page from people who are solo aging & stop asking ‘friends’ & family & look to other community resources to get the help you need? Or if you have the money (many don’t), pay someone to help you?
I DO rely on myself. I have no other option. I do pay to have groceries delivered which costs a small fortune, BUT I can’t do that myself right now. It is difficult enough getting them in the house once they bring them. I guess for me, the very “few times” I have “mentioned” needing help suddenly everyone is “busy”. But, if my son in laws friend “who ives about 10 miles away from me” needs a new roof, my daughter and son i law will drive 7 HOURS to help him with a roof, but they won’t come help me tear down this molded laundry room. I guess that is what hurts me the most. They and my son who is only about 5 minutes away will jump to the moon for people that are not even “kin” to them, but forget helping Mom unless the doctors say I am on my deathbed!
I think personally this got easier when some of my older relatives started having health problems chronically, but they still can’t empathize from the perspective of someone who was diagnosed at age 3. It’s ableism, mostly, and that’s very sad.
I have a hard time asking because of fear that they will say no or that I’m a burden, or act like I am. I’ve had many people do that to me and now I’m afraid of it happening again.